Ropes….
I have been fascinated with ropes since I took the Power, Surrender and Intimacy workshop through The Body Electric School with Alex Jade and Al Waddel almost two years ago now….but I have had little opportunity to explore it. And the memory of breast bondage has been vivid in my memory……so when I heard that Max was going to the Association of Sexual Energy Professionals meeting in AZ…I knew that I had to contact her….and see if we could work together….
My session with Max was after the first full day of the conference…on Friday evening after dinner….it was odd moving out of “colleague” space….and into “client space” with her….and there were scheduling issues…so the time of dinner was moved up…and I had to leave dinner early to get ready for her….it felt awkward leaving the table….knowing that she would be doing the same thing about fifteen minutes after me. I didn’t want the world knowing that I was doing a session.
She came to dinner wearing a black tank top…and black pants….I knew that she was dressed for our session….and it made me nervous all throughout dinner….it was hard to concentrate on the conversation….and everything I said….felt wrong to me.
I was thankful to finally make my getaway….and I had little time….I had decided to put on my “surrendering” clothes for our session…..and that felt really, really vulnerable to me….to have her see me like that….in my black silk pull up stocking….my black lace and rhinestone matching bra and g string set…..my red and black waist cinch-er….and my little black lace bed jacket….oh…and black rhinestone high heels…..and that vulnerability was a part of my surrender….being seen.
In the end….I was dressing for me….but when I am surrendering….I always want to please my Top….I wondered what turned her on…….what would give her pleasure…..I had no idea…..and a part of me thought that it was probably not ultra fem……which is the space I tend to go into when I bottom…..and I knew deep inside of me that it was not about turning Max on….but there was still a part of me that wondered what would that be? And I kept running the thought that I was silly dressing at all…..I had never dressed for session with Zan….that was before I discovered that part of me…and in the beginning with Hank I never dressed….because it was not about him either…..but I soon learned that dressing was important….that learning came from my relationship with DK….but with DK I dressed for him as much as I dressed for myself. I know that it gives him pleasure…and I know what kind of dressing turns him on….eventually I got to understand that it was just as important for my own experience to dress…..and if others took pleasure in it too….those were bonus points for all involved!!!
I had barely slipped into my clothes when Max knocked on my door…..I was not quite ready….and I felt the heat in my cheeks as I opened the door to her…Oh God…what was I doing???? What is she going to think??? Just how silly did I look???
Max came in all smiles….and gentle energy…..her amazing grey eyes….Max has a incredible presence….
My room was a “suite”….it had a living room and a bedroom….She wanted to move into the bedroom….so that the space felt more contained…..I showed her my toys…..and she took out her ropes…..my heart skipped a bit….we talked about safe words…and she expressed her preference for me to simply tell her if something needed adjustment…..rather than go with “red”…..but of-course…”red” is “red”……
Max took me to the mirror….and asked me to look at myself….
“This is for you…..look at yourself….it’s fabulous…and it is for you…..”
God that was hard…to open my eyes…..and see myself dressed in my attire….I took a few breaths…and peeked at myself…..oh God…..it was so hard…..to be witness to myself. When will that ever get easier?
Max led me to the edge of the bed…and took of my lacy jacket….and my bra….and she started to release her ropes….I felt so, so, so nervous….and not connected enough with her yet….
“Max…I have a request….can you come here….and just hold me? Let me have your eyes?”
She came over…and let me breath into her eyes….I could feel myself soften and gentle….I could feel my breath deepen as I let her two spirit energy carry me….and lift the weight of my body off of my feet….surrender to her…..
“That’s right Sasha…..That’s right……”
Soft words….as I opened my hips….my breath…..and started to float…..
My wrists were resting naturally behind back….and that is where I felt her begin to bind me…..I love the feel of the ropes sliding through my body…..over my skin….running over my flesh…..it sent tingles up and down my spine….the promise of containment.
I remember the red rope….thick and shiny…..and then there were small ropes…and she began to bind each breast until the stuck out like Thanksgiving Balloons…..big and hard….OH OH OH…..it felt like heaven to me…..there was no pain….only deep sensation….it was ecstasy….and then she took out my clips….
“Sasha? You use these clips on your breasts and labia? They are really strong….are you sure?”
I nodded….I didn’t realize that they were strong…..I actually liked them better than the metal ones….I felt her put one on my right nipple….and I felt my breath and my voice answer to the sensation…..and then my left nipple……OH OH OH…….YES YES YES…….
I find that one nipple is always more sensitive than the other nipple…..and my left nipple was on fire almost immediately…..and then Max began to play…..she teased the clips….and I focused on my breath….and went deeper…..and then I think she discovered my little flogger….and began to play with that on my bound breasts…and nipples….
The sensation was so sharp and deep…..I am sure that I was groaning….breathing….deepening….I could feel Max’s energy deepen too…..I could feel her pleasure in my surrender…..in the sensation that she was gifting me with…..I could hear her….and I rested my head on her chest in a very deep moment of power exchange…..I felt safe…..and I felt asked to go deeper in myself….to allow…..to allow …..to allow……sometimes it is hard to allow…..and yet I do.
And then the clips were removed…..and there was the deepness of that…..at some point I was placed on my belly.
I was untied…and retied….and then there was the flogger….softly at first….and then deeper…..and then deeper still…..I began to travel…..and then there was this moment of play and connection…..so much richness….I loved the feeling of the ropes….of having no place to go…..to simply be.
And then I was moved again….and I was on my back….and something very unexpected happened….very quickly….Max wrapped me up in the bed clothes….it was like a Sasha Sushi Roll…..and then she tied me up…..just like that…..I was completely rolled…from bottom to top…..it brought up thoughts of murder…and abduction…..is this what that feels like….to be kidnapped and thrown in a truck of a car? I could feel my breath quicken….my heart race….this is Max…this is Max….this is Max….I repeated to myself…..I am safe…I am safe….I am safe….all of my buttons were pushed…..and I needed to breathe….to open more….to stop my resistance….to open to surrendering….and soon I felt my heart slow down….my breath deepen…..and my body stop shaking. And then when I was still….she unwrapped me….
I was praised….I shared my fear….we talked….I was calm….still altered in my state….it was time for closure….and we spoke….and it was so rich for me…..She told me that I surrendered beautifully…..and I realized how much I needed to hear that. How much I needed to hear that affirmation….I felt my tears rise from behind my eyes…my vulnerabilities…bubbling to the top.
I shared with Max my relationship with DK….how sometimes I don’t think that I am getting it right…and how hard it sometimes to be in the D/s relationship….and she was filled with affirmations….and my heart sang with her words….it was like a million hugs….and gentle pats on a child’s back……I felt soothed.
Yes…she said to me….it IS hard what I am doing….what I am choosing….Yes….it IS big! Really big…and not everyone’s cup of tea….and yes…I need to be praised for my surrender…and yes…she saw me surrender beautifully……and to hear all of that….while it may seem simple….soothed me like the ropes….I felt so seen…..and understood….and I felt a healing in my heart……
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