Gentleness From The Dark Knight….
So….DK wrote me a very loving letter yesterday……he told me that he really can’t help me with my struggle in how best to communicate my desires and requests to him….as it is a “Bottom thing”….and he is a Top…..he thought that perhaps I should speak with other fully surrendered Bottoms that negotiate communication issues with ease….but that he would hold the space for me to find my way….and that his words were not meant as his black paddle….that he really wanted me to know that he was not angry.
But it was clear to me that my own muddiness of embedded requests in statements of desires is the problem…and comes off like manipulation. The practice of distinction is very important…and it is something that I am going to be aware of. It requires honesty. If I want to be alone with DK….I need to tell him….and then surrender it….instead of hinting…or manipulating…..trying to make him think that it is his idea….
I am becoming clear on how I hide my feelings in my words…but then they really aren’t hidden at all….they can be felt….and then the communication comes out twisted.
DK asked me to relax….”I guess you’re having a lot of anxiety around this since it is in
fact an issue for you, so much that you feel it to the core of your bones. Not sure how to make it easier for you. Just know that I’m not angry. I figure that I just need to keep holding the space while you do your dance, and eventually, you’ll discover the steps that
work. So don’t fret too much. Just put on some pretty dancing shoes, and a tutu. And when you stub your toe, I’ll kiss it. Put on a bandage and keep dancing”.
His note hit just the right cord with me….
And I could feel my energy shift…..and I could feel my breath leave my body….was I holding it?
I started to think sexy thoughts….that was more about the place where there were no words….and I was no longer concerned about the beginnings of seeing DK again…..instead….I began to envision the juiciness of it…..of going into his arms….of feeling him….of his soft deep kisses….of his beautiful blue eyes holding the space for mine…..the scent of him……the anticipation of waiting to be alone with him…..but first entering another type of ritual space with him…..community ritual space…..and how wonderful that would be for us…..to experience this together….
I can feel my body ache in anticipation even now…..heightened by a comment that DK made….”Did you get us a thunderproof room!!?! Oh…..my stomach contracts simply at his words….the anticipation of the thunder that his man can create…..
I can picture us in our embraces….how he steps into my space….and asks me to surrender to him…..I can almost feel his hands….as he gently tosses me around….like his little ball…..letting my body go where he guides me…..his hand in the small of my back…..his mouth crashing down on…..and then roaming the landscape of my body…..the feeling of my collar as he places it around my neck……and the cuffs……the sweet seduction of the beginning……and then……DK will blend into Him…..and Him into DK…….and soon…..the neighbors will only hear my cries of passion…….
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